Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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