He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
