I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
