She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
