I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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