Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
