I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
