All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
