I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
