yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
