I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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