just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
