why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
