Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Randomize
