He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
