I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
