Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
