Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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