i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This toilet bowl is my home.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
