your parents love me but you hate me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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