I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
