After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
