I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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