I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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