Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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