NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
