DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
