I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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