If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well you can't waste a boner
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
