just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
