roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
