you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
