ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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