now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
