why didn't you poke me back
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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