I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You smell like stripper and shame
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
