just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
