That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I haven't been this sober since birth.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
