I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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