I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
