i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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