just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
