Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
