he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
