Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
