i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
