It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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