omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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