I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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