Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
