this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
