maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
