he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
