youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
