What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
