I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
