conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it penis luge time yet?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
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