Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we made out on top of his cat.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
