i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
