We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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