you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you had me at cake vodka
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
