If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
